Karen Connelly

Whenever we travel I always try to find an independent bookstore and purchase some books (novels or otherwise) written by local or national authors about the place I'm in. Sometimes they are rather poorly written and locally published, but still help me to learn more of the flavour of my temporary home, but occasionally I've hit upon a real gem.

Such was the case in Chiang Mai last month. I found a wonderful little bookstore with an excellent selection of English books, and much to Ray's chagrin (he tends to worry about the weight of everything I buy) I chose 5 new books about various aspects of life in Thailand. One was actually written by a Canadian, Karen Connelly, about her experiences living for one full year in a small village in Northern Thailand. Not too unique in itself, except Karen was only 17 years old at the time, had never been to Thailand before, and was awarded this experience by her local Albertan Rotary club.

It caught my attention as I wondered about the courage, maturity and determination a young person would need to embark on such an adventure. After reading a few short passages, the intelligence and insight of the young writer were quickly evident ... added to which she definitely wrote with a poet's touch. I was hooked, and the book did not disappoint on any level.

"Touch the Dragon" was a fabulously refreshing read, and I travelled with Karen Connelly throughout her year in Thailand as it touched and changed her on so many levels, similarly as Ray and I continued on our own travels through the same countryside, also being touched and changed by our own experiences. "Touch the Dragon" won the Canadian Governor General's award in 1993, and I couldn't wait to get home and get on my computer to investigate this new (to me) Canadian author.

I found out that Connelly has since written 5 books of poetry which have won a number of awards (I knew she had to be a poet) and after Thailand she went on to travel, live and write in Spain, France and Greece as a young woman, returning many times to her beloved Thailand. She recently lived for two years on the Thai-Burma border among Burmese exiles and dissidents, and visited Burma many times until she was denied a visa by the military regime. When I saw that she had published her first novel in 2005 called "The Lizard Cage" I immediately ordered it, and have just finished reading it.

This is an extremely horrific book (made all the more so knowing that although a fictitious story, Connelly used information gathered from her interviews with many Burmese dissidents) At times it grabs you by the throat leaving you gasping for air, but just as you can't stand any more the story retreats into the safe sweet past, and allows you to breathe once more. Yet, strangely, there's beauty and hope here too. It tells of a young political prisoner, a popular singer who dared to write and sing songs against the Burmese military regime, now serving 20 years in solitary confinement in a brutal Burmese prison. "The Lizard Cage" is so graphic and raw at times that I just had to put it down ... but, after a break I was always drawn back to it's pages. Why? Why continue with a book which equally repelled and fascinated me? I think because of it's overwhelming power, it's poetic compassion, complete integrity, horror yet hope, and the author's poetical heart which shines through with every word. It's also a psychological thriller which keeps you hanging and hoping almost to the last page!

This is a book which had to be written, and should be read ... in the same way as Auschwitz has to be visited and remembered. These things are happening now, (see my blog Wednesday, 26 September 2007 "We watch and wait ...") - and unfortunately not only in Burma.

But, how glad I am to have found this amazing author, one who writes with such flair, such intelligence, and with such a social conscience.

Christmas?????

How does one settle in to the Christmas season after experiences which are so outside one's realm of being??? I'm finding it very hard ... we picked our tree and decorated it today - but I am only going through the motions. Our family arrive in 5 days to celebrate Christmas - but my mind is still in Thailand ...

How can you forget an exceptional day like the one we spent with Suwanna, and the other 199 children at the Children's Centre in Chiang Rai???

I first met Suwanna 2 years ago when I visited the Children's Centre with a friend who volunteered there, in the very north of Thailand. It's a huge complex run by a wonderful Italian Catholic priest and a small group of Thai nuns. These children are all from nearby Hill Tribes, and are sent by their families to live at the Centre 10 months of the year so they can attend the local village school, and hopefully educate themselves out of a life of poverty. Suwanna had only recently arrived when we first visited, she was 5 years old then, and her personality and spunk immediately attracted me. She became an easy choice for our family to sponsor ... and we have been sending money ever since to pay for her food, school uniforms and other extras. It was so wonderful to see her again ... and Br. Gianni met us in a large van with 10 of the youngest girls from the Centre and drove us to Suwanna's village for a visit with her mother.



Her mother was very sweet, and Suwanna showed Ray and I her hill tribe home, her little brother and the other members of her village. She was so proud of it all, and we were so overwhelmed ... Each member of the little village came and shook our hand, and in their own way thanked us for helping one of their children. We saw red chillies and peanuts spread out to dry in the hot sun, chickens running freely in the dust, sacks of rice piled up in her one-room home, older women carrying their grandchildren on their backs, and bare foot toddlers everywhere.



Back at the Centre we watched Suwanna and the other 199 children eat dinner on the concrete floor, and she showed us her 12" by 12" cubby hole which was all she had for personal possessions (how was she to fit all her gifts from Canada in there??) but all too soon the time came for us to say goodbye and return to Chiang Rai.

Suwanna clasped my hand on the drive back to our guest house, and as she had all day long, she did not let go. We had not exchanged a single word all day, but we had communicated continually - our smiles and mime gestures had said it all. Suwanna kissed me on the cheek when we parted, and I tearfully wondered how long it would be before we meet again.

I'm finding it so hard to get excited about Christmas ...

Loy Krathong

It is a beautiful full moon tonight, and it reminds me of being in Chiang Mai just one month ago for the celebration of the Loy Krathong Festival. Not only was this a feast for all our senses, but we had some wonderful random acts of kindness paid to us during this time which will always stay with me.

Loy Krathong is celebrated annually in Thailand on the full moon night of November - although in Chiang Mai celebrations continue almost all week. It's origins, like so many such festivals, are a bit ambiguous ... but thought to originate in Hindu India. The Thai people float krathongs, or little boats made of a slice of banana tree trunk covered and decorated with banana leaves, flowers, candles and incense sticks (I was told it had to have 3 sticks). The sailing of these krathongs seems to be for various reasons, 1. a means of letting go of all your anger or grudges, or 2. to create good luck for you and your family, or 3. to thank the goddess of water. (Or, maybe just to have a lot of fun!!)

They were amazingly beautiful works of art, with banana leaves folded intricately around the edges and orchids or marigolds as decorations in the centre around the candles. They were on sale everywhere for about 20 baht (about 75 cents!) Of course I bought one, and joined the throngs of people who were placing them in the water to let our grudges go/bring good luck/thank the goddess of water ... how beautiful mine looked, and how proud I felt - until a splash of water put the candles out about 2 mins. after I let it go - I suppose there is a knack to it!

Along with the water-bound krathongs were the stunningly beautiful paper hot-air lanterns which were lit and released to sail up into the dark night sky. In the northern city of Chiang Mai we were lucky to find out about the "Yi Peng" ceremony which takes place just north of the city, and unlike the celebrations in the city, this had more of a Buddhist connotation and was not touristy in any way. There was a lovely parade followed by a Buddhist ceremony presided over by a large group of Buddhist monks, then on a signal about 5,000 of these lanterns were lit and released in unison. The sight was unbelievable!



Everywhere we looked were luminous lanterns floating into the air - thousands of them ... and excited squeals all around us. Ray and I were wishing we could participate, when suddenly a nearby young Thai man motioned to us to please come and help him launch his lantern. We carefully held the lantern's edges as he handed his lighter to Ray and indicated that he should light the flammable pellet which hung in the centre. As the air in the lantern grew hotter we felt it straining to get away from us, to lift and fly into the heavens. Suddenly, our new Thai friend counted 1, 2, 3, and we all let go at the same time and watched mesmerized as 'our' lantern drifted slowing up to join the thousands which sparkled in the sky above us.



Excited and exhilarated we slowly edged our way along with the huge crowd back to where the shuttle bus had dropped us off, vaguely wondering how we were going to get back to the city that night. As we reached the parking lot, a young Thai woman who had been near us in the slow-moving mass of people came up and asked us (in very good English) if we had a ride back to the city. Did she read our thoughts??? She said she had a truck and we were welcome to ride with them. How kind, we thought. Then, she and her two friends hopped into the cab of the pick-up truck indicating that we were very welcome to climb into the open back.

Hmmmmm, coming from a Western (and extremely safety-conscious) country like Canada, neither Ray nor I had ever sat in the open back of a pick-up truck - and certainly not when it is hurtling down the highway at very high speeds. But, since arriving in Thailand we had immediately observed (and who could miss it) that safety often flew out the window there to make way for practical needs. If a family needs to get from A to B and they only have one motorbike, then all 4 (or 5) members will squeeze onto the bike ... what could be simpler???(!) We assumed there were laws against this sort of thing, but the police seemed to be busy chasing bigger crimes...

Well, our motto is "when in Rome ..." so we hopped into the truck and had a very exciting ride home. The young lady staunchly refused when we tried to help pay for the gas, so we could only say a very heart-felt thank you, and off they went.

What a night it had been ... I simply couldn't sleep ... images of those lovely lanterns, beautiful krathongs and the very kind, gentle people we had met filled my head. Those are times one never forgets ...

Reflections of Thailand 1

Hello again!!! I'm back!!! (Hope you like the new look) Let's roll ...

Ray and I have just returned from 31 days in Thailand (literally just returned - last week)and my head is still so full of sights, sounds, smells of all we did and experienced that if I don't get them down on paper soon I will quite possibly burst!!! So, what I intend is not a travel log of "we did this on day 1 and this on day 2" but more, as the title says, my reflections of what we did and saw. This will often be about the people ... because I always feel that it's the people who make a place what it is. Even with my extremely limited Thai, and most Thai's limited English we were able to have marvellous interactions using mime language and facial expressions, and it's those interactions which I still see in my mind when I try to sleep at night - it's like a video playing over and over in my head.

So, these reflections will be fairly random, and you can dip in and have a read at your leisure.



Having said that - where to start??? Maybe at the end ... because on the evening of Nov.25th Ray and I finally packed up a month's worth of grubby clothes and souvenir treasures, ordered a taxi for 8:30am to take us to the Bangkok airport, and settled in to get a good sleep before the long flights home. But, I was too excited to sleep ... so got up and was surfing the Internet when I clicked onto the 'Bangkok Post' website and saw that protesters had taken over the airport and all planes were cancelled!! With Ray snoring soundly in bed, I had no-one to share this devastating news with!! Not much sleep that night ...

Wed. 26th we went down to breakfast at our guest house to be greeted with sympathy from the wonderful owner and her staff. She had the news on the TV and everyone was watching as the startling events unfolded. Well, first things first, they had room for us to stay there for another night - but we had to change rooms, no problem as everything was packed up anyway!

That first day no-one was really worried, as the feeling was that this would blow over in 48 hours, the protesters would leave, and planes would resume flights. There was even a giddy sense of adventure at being caught-up in such a world-wide event. We decided to make the most of our extra day in Bangkok, went out to do some more sight-seeing, and had interesting discussions with many other stranded tourists from around the world. But, I have to say that as the days dragged on, any air of adventure totally evaporated, and frustration and mild panic set in ... this looked like it was never going to end - and with a huge group of opposing protesters setting up camp in a different part of Bangkok, there was even talk of civil war!!

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

We gave up any thoughts of more sight-seeing - even though Bangkok seemed totally normal, we didn't have the heart for it, and Ray spent long hours on the telephone trying to get through to Cathay Pacific. There were rumours of flights leaving from a military airbase; people were arranging to travel by car/bus to Malaysia and Singapore then fly onto Hong Kong; a travel agent we visited was extremely creative in her plans for our travel back to Toronto and maybe if we were 20 again and with just 2 backpacks we might have taken her advice; we received panic emails from family back home - some saying stay put don't go out in the streets, others saying just get into a taxi and get out of the city; my poor elderly mother thought we were in India and caught up in the dreadful attacks taking place at the same time in Mumbai!!

Thank goodness for the local massage parlour close by our guest house, they kept us sane ...ooooh, I so love those Thai foot massages!!! The girls there got to know us well, and were so sympathetic and sweet (or, as sympathetic and sweet as you can be with about 4 words which you can both communicate with!) I even screwed up my courage and had a proper full Thai massage during that time. Now, if you're not familiar with this type of massage, let me tell you it can be quite painful as they apply pressure on your body with various parts of their body, and push and pull your limbs into yogic positions. But, my young girl said quietly, "Soft??" I nodded with relief, and it was wonderful!!!!

I must say that when Ray finally got through to speak with a Cathay Pacific representative they were very helpful ... and finally on the 5th day we were told that they had booked us on a flight from Phuket to Hong Kong, and a flight from Hong Kong to Toronto. Hallelujah!! All we had to do was get ourselves and our grubby clothes half way down the country to Phuket.

But, the wonderful people at our guest house helped us again and arranged for a taxi driver whom they knew to drive us the 12 hours south to Phuket, leaving at 6am the next morning. He wanted 8,000 Baht to do the trip ($270), and we could probably have bargained and found someone cheaper, but at that point we were so exhausted we would have paid him a million $$$ to get us there! He turned out to be quite a character, and drove like a madman - hitting speeds of 160km hr. on the straight road to Phuket - he made the journey in 10 hours!!



When we arrived at the airport and Ray was paying him, all the other local taxi drivers gathered around as he counted the 1,000 Baht notes Ray had just given him - a huge roar of approval and slaps of congratulations rang out as he reached 8 ... we felt a little odd ... obviously we had just grossly overpaid him and he was being congratulated for 'sucking' the silly tourists, but for us $270 for such a long trip was a very low price. Anyway, we consoled ourselves with the knowledge that we had made him very happy, we were there in one piece, ... and the Bangkok nightmare was over!

Nature vs Nurture

The old debate about nature vs nurture - which influences a child's life more - has always interested me. Science has changed from one to the other over the last 100 years and I think it now recognizes that both play an equal part. So, when I heard about the book "Identical Strangers" I immediately put it on my Christmas list.

It is an amazing story about two women from New York who discovered in their late 30's that they had an identical twin, and that after being put up for adoption as newborns they had been deliberately separated and adopted by different families so their lives and development could be studied. If this were fiction I might read it and think it doesn't seem plausible - but this is far from fiction!

The book is a really interesting read, made especially so by the frankness of the two women regarding the emotions they experience as they discover their "other self", and the radical twist their lives take as their twin enters their world. Both women knew that they had been adopted, but only one of them wanted to find out about her birth-mother, and started the search which ultimately led her to the discovery of her twin sister and the sinister study which had separated them.

Back to the nature and nurture question ... as identical twins they share 100% of the same DNA, and as they compare their lives the women find that both are very intelligent, both suffer from bouts of depression and paranoia, both are very analytical, and both studied film in University and made it their area of career choice. One twin had a happier family life than the other, and she appears to now be the more settled of the two. The book contains much information from other twin studies ... and interestingly, it's been found that identical twins who are raised apart (for one reason or another) turn out to be characteristically more alike than those who are raised together. Twins raised together in a regular family setting often tend to develop traits that the other twin does not have as a way of creating their own identity.

The morality of separating them obsesses the women, and they try to discover answers from the adoption agency and doctors who had conducted the study .... 13 children in the late 60's were involved, and 3 sets of twins and a set of triplets have already found each other. The other 4 subjects in the study still do not know that they have an identical twin. As Paula muses to her twin, "If I had been adopted by your parents, would I now be you?"

Much food for thought ...

Until next time - bye!

Turning over a New Leaf ...

It's that time of year again ... the end of the old and looking forward to the new. My mother recently told me that she hates New Year's Eve, but couldn't say why. I really think it has a lot to do with the fear and foreboding that many people feel as 12 fresh new (unknown) months loom over us.

I often remember back to being a young student in my Junior school in England. Our school day would always start with every class assembling in the all-purpose gym. Our head-mistress, a very aloof and formidable woman who was aptly named Mrs. Loveless, would sit high up on her raised platform, behind a huge desk (at least it seems huge in my memory!) Peering at us all from behind her gigantic glasses she would tell us every year that this was the time to "turn over a new leaf".

Now, remember that in Junior school we were aged 6-11 years of age ... and I heard her use this expression (plus the accompanying lecture) every single January!! I hadn't got a clue what she was talking about, and I remember thinking about physically turning over leaves in my hands - but certainly couldn't see how this would make me a 'better person'. Mrs. Loveless would always talk literally as well as figuratively way over our heads - usually addressing the staff more often than us! She would sometimes go on and on about how "delightful the dawn chorus was this morning" ... totally ignoring the fact that almost all of 'her' children came from the rows upon rows of small 'council houses' which surrounded the school. We felt lucky to see the odd scrubby tree and perhaps a few twittering sparrows - and certainly had no idea what a "dawn chorus" was!! (How on earth did such people get into the important work of education???)

Anyway, it is now time to turn over new leaves, and like many others I want to get fit, and have pledged to actually get onto my treadmill every day. How long I stay on it, or even how fast I walk remains to be seen. But, I will try! (This 'poor' treadmill is a magnificent state-of-the-art machine that does everything except lace your shoes for you ... and has been glaring at me for months for abandoning it!)

Whichever leaf you choose to turn over, I wish you every success!! But, more importantly I wish you a very happy and healthy New Year!

See you in 2008!

Cure ... Part 2

Do you recognize which famous Christmas book this piece comes from, and who it refers to?

"Oh! but he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, ... a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel has ever struck out generous fire; secret and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster."

Amazing imagery, isn't it ... "solitary as an oyster" and "hard and sharp as flint". Listening to these words you conger up an image of someone you certainly would not choose to spend any time with! If you guessed the book is 'A Christmas Carol' you'd be correct, and of course Charles Dickens is describing the main character of the book, Ebeneezer Scrooge.

Dickens wrote 'A Christmas Carol' in 1843, and he gave public readings of this book all over Britain, Paris and in the United States. His first reading took over three hours, so he reduced it to about 80 mins. and this was the version Ray and I enjoyed last weekend.

We had never been to a 'reading' before - although I've always wanted to - so, when I saw this performance advertised I persuaded Ray to come with me. It was a wonderful evening!!!! We both enjoyed it so very much, and it certainly chased away some more of the Bah Humbugs that were still hanging around me!

These performances are sponsored by the CBC Radio, and occur annually all across Canada in December featuring guest readers from the CBC along with local 'talent'. All proceeds go to local charities, and the one we attended benefited the local Food Bank and the "Christmas Cheer" programme which provides necessities to those in need.

There were 5 readers, and a choir sang appropriate Christmas songs and carols between each reader. All the readers were very good, but the last was Dan Lessard - a CBC programme host who was absolutely riveting! He didn't just read, he almost acted his part - such was his enthusiastic rendition of the end of the story when Scrooge reforms and sees the error of his ways. Who would think in this age of continual sensory stimulation, and over 160 years since it was written, a simple story could keep such a large and varied audience so attentive? Such is the power of Dickens' writing - and the talent of the readers.

A fabulous experience ... I think I might be actually getting into the spirit ....!!

Cure for the Bah Humbugs!

This morning was my usual volunteer time to help at our local food bank, and I spent my time helping people with no jobs, no money, no food, poor health and not the best living arrangements. It is always a humbling experience, but given my present mood - today it seemed even more so.

How can I continue feeling cynical about Christmas when I see how much food is pouring into the food bank - donated by our very caring community? How can I feel sorry for myself when I see so many others in such dire straights ... picking through our free winter coat rack for something warm to wear? I am humbled.

They say that when you volunteer, you receive much more than you give, and I certainly can't argue with that. One of our best family Christmases was the first time we went and served dinner to homeless men at a local Salvation Army Shelter in the city. The five of us went, not really knowing what to expect. Oh, little did we know that we would come away with the warmest glow we have felt in years!! We repeated this experience for many more years until we moved north, and it was always rewarding ... but, never again did it match that first time. Only at Christmas do the men get served their meal (usually they line up at the counter to pick it up.) The men were amazing, and surprisingly many were intelligent and very chatty! Of course there were the eccentrics and those with obvious mental health issues, but they were all polite and very grateful. Hats off to the wonderful Salvation Army workers who help them 365 days a year!

So, yes, I am feeling much less of a scrooge tonight. It's just too bad most of us only feel this generous one day a year - then I wouldn't have to go begging for money to buy food for the food bank from the local municipal councils when spring rolls around!!

Oh well, 'tis the season, might as well join 'em!Bye!

Christmas Musing ...

I probably should start by confessing that I have never been a big fan of Christmas. This used to give me great angst, I felt I was a freak! Everyone else was going around singing dopey Christmas songs, and saying how much they were looking forward to the BIG day.

I have no warm and fuzzy memories of Christmas as a child - I used to receive a few new books as gifts, placed on the end of my bed by Father Christmas whilst I slept. The day itself passed by like most others ... it must have done, because apart from the new books I really can't remember much else about it.

I actually didn't start feeling like a freak until my own children came along. Then, the pressure was on - we had to create THE most perfect day for these precious children of ours. So, I baked, decorated and shopped until I dropped (as they say). My now-grown kids say they have wonderful memories of Christmas, so we must have been successful .... but, for me, it was just a whole lot of stress!!! Yes, I am a card-carrying, bah-humbug, Scrooge!

I started to stop feeling like a freak in my 40's when a good friend confessed that she hated Christmas. Wow, suddenly I wasn't alone! We compared notes, and found we both just found the whole thing totally filled with anxiety. Now, I should explain that neither of us had strong religious beliefs, and I'm sure those who have can sail through the season swept along by carols and Bible stories of babes in a manger, shepherds and wise men.

These days Ray and I have minimized everything to do with Christmas, and that has helped a lot. Our family has cut the gift-giving right back, and goodies are more likely to be bought than home-baked. Decorations are simply a freshly cut balsam tree and some pretty green boughs placed around the house. Living isolated in the woods as we do, it is quite easy to avoid a lot of the hype surrounding the season - so long as we don't turn on the radio and TV. Yet, even so, I still feel a bubble of dread inside me as the 25th approaches ... maybe left-over from long ago - who knows? Many people now confess that Christmas is not their favourite time ... lost loved ones are missed more, lonely people feel more lonely, depressions feel much worse, suicides hit their peak. Why is this???? Do other holidays in other faiths cause this same mass reaction????

I did most of my shopping for gifts on-line this year - had them delivered right to my door, and loved it!! But, yesterday I had to venture out into the shops for some last minute things - my first time this season! I witnessed:

- people walking around stores in a daze ... bumping their carts into each other, not seeing ... minds on a million other things ...

- a frantic, tired-looking woman on a cell phone talking to someone as she perused the aisles ... I heard her say quite angrily into the phone, "I'm trying to find a present for YOU!!"

- very frazzled shop assistants trying to help very frazzled shoppers ... and there's still 14 days yet to go!!

But, it's not all bad ... luckily there are now many like myself, who have come out of the closet, owned up to their feelings, and refuse to get caught up in all the hype Christmas brings. As I look out my window I see the snow falling gently, adding to the already 2 feet on the ground, and I think how thrilled the children will be when they come - great tobogganing this Christmas - yeah!!! I look forward to all the family being here. My daughter, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law will all turn up with food to keep us all happy, and everyone will pitch-in with the chores ... gifts will be opened, the children will squeal with delight, hugs all round, love in the air ... and lots of photos will be taken of the happy moments.

But, for me, the day after Christmas will still be the best ...

Bye for now!

Is Anyone There????

Whenever I write in this blog, I wonder if anyone is reading it. I wonder if there is any point ... then, out of the blue, someone will email me and remark on a particular entry - and it encourages me to carry on blogging ... hurray, maybe I'm not alone here!

I'm not fishing for compliments - honest! Just for comments ... just to know I'm not talking to myself. Even if it's just to say that you disagree ... it's easy to leave your footprint here, just click on 'comments' at the bottom of the blog.

Thanks!

Secrets ...

Have you heard about this series of books yet??? It is phenomenally amazing!! It started as an art project by American artist Frank Warren. He left thousands of self-addressed blank postcards in public places asking people to write a secret on them that they have never told anyone. He asked that they be as creative as possible on the postcard. The results were overwhelming, and have filled 4 books already!!!

Reading the secrets people have anonymously sent to Frank Warren will make you sigh, smile or even cry ... but, I guarantee they will NOT leave you unmoved! I gave his first book of Secrets to my daughter when she graduated in Social Work ... it was so appropriate.

Every Sunday Frank Warren publishes a blog of secrets which are still pouring in to him. Today only, (Nov. 18th) he is donating $10 to a crisis helpline 'Hope Line', for every book purchased. Generally, a portion of all book sales goes to crisis centres across the country. His blog can be found at: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ Check it out ...

Bye!

Foot binding, a secret language and loatongs ...

I love it when I find a really well written book, with a good story-line which holds your interest, but teaches you something about the culture and time in which it is written as well. Lisa See is an American author of Chinese decent, who is known for her dedication to thoroughly researching her subject before writing a book. She traveled to remote villages in China to find out more about their culture, and the women's secret language known as nu shu. Her research shows itself throughout this moving story about friendship, marriage and the life of women in rural Chinese society at that time.

'Snow Flower and the Secret Fan' is set in the mid 19th century, in a northern remote part of China. It is the story of two young girls who become loatongs - which was a formal friendship arranged by a matchmaker, had a written contract, and lasted their whole lives. In a culture where young girls were simply seen as "useless branches of the tree" and were basically slaves to their natal family, then later to their husband's family, this arrangement provided them with some outlet and form of friendship. The loatongs were only allowed to see each other on certain festive days of the year, but they wrote to each other constantly using the women's secret language called nu shu.

Nu shu was a language known only by women and was passed down through the generations. It was painted on fans, embroidered into hankies, or simply written with brush and ink. Unlike the "men's language" which had over 5,000 characters, this was simpler with only 600 ... but, much of it's interpretation was through context, and this is where the story-line lay.

The author guides us through the traditional foot binding endured simultaneously by the two young girls ... a custom most of us find abhorrent ... but, she presents it in the story as simply another part of Chinese women's lives at that time, and the reader comes to almost accept it as such also. Yet, who would not cringe to read about young girls of 4-6 years of age having their four toes bound back tightly towards the heel, and then forced to walk back and forth daily until the toes broke? The process took more than two years of excruciating pain, and during that time they were kept in the upstairs womens' room. The way in which the young girl bore this pain and isolation apparently trained her in the qualities she would later need for marriage ... obedience, self-control, physical strength, adherence to customs, etc. Also, it indicated the young girls' health, since many died from the foot binding due to infection and gangrene.

The foot binding, which continued in China for over a thousand years, was done to produce a 3-4 inch foot on which women would then walk "beautifully on their golden lilies" for the rest of their lives. One wonders, however, if it didn't have more to do with keeping women under men's control ... for, once their feet were bound their world consisted of the house and the special upstairs "womens' room" ... if they ever went out they often had to be carried on a man's back or in a special carried chair called a palanquin.

A lovely story, beautifully written ... I learnt a lot, and came to feel such empathy for Lily, the heroine.

And, we sometimes grumble about our lives!!

Bye for now, until next time ...

Buy Nothing Day

As someone who absolutely dreads the thought of yet another Christmas season full of annoying, silly TV commercials trying to get you to spend, spend, spend, ... I find this idea remarkably appealing!

"This November 23rd, environmentalists, social activists and concerned citizens in as many as 65 countries will hit the streets for a 24-hour consumer fast in celebration of the 15th annual Buy Nothing Day, a global cultural phenomenon that originated in Vancouver, Canada."

I can just hear the pessimists already - "What good would that do??" Amazingly it just might do quite a bit. At the very least, it will raise awareness of our totally consumer-crazy society ... it might, just might, remind us of what is really important in our lives.

I like this idea, I think I will email one of these posters to as many people as I can ... let's spread the message!! To read more go to the site below - bye for now!

www.adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd

Inner Beauty ...

What does the play "The Elephant Man" and His Holiness the Dalai Lama have in common??? No, it's not a joke ... actually, the answer is 'ME' - I saw both this week!

It's been an emotionally (and physically) draining time ... I'm recovering from shingles ... but had tickets for the play and to hear the Dalai Lama talk this week in Toronto (3 hours drive away.) Should I still go? Could I drive that far? I didn't mind losing the money for the theatre tickets, but I so much wanted to hear the Dalai Lama's talk!!! Relief from my mental turmoil came when Ray offered to drive me to Toronto and "find something to do" while I enjoyed myself ... I knew there was a good reason I married that man!!!! :-)

The play was phenomenal ... and Brent Carver did an outstanding job of playing the grotesquely deformed John Merrick - without use of any prosthesis. The true story set in Victorian London is immensely moving, and contains many themes on different levels. The story is basically about a terribly deformed young man who is found in a circus sideshow where he is on display for "2d a Peek". The eminent London doctor takes him to his hospital to live, where the kind treatment he receives brings out his deep intelligence and a very gentle and refined side to Merrick. He becomes the "darling" of London society, and once again is 'on show' ... this time he is paid with flattery. One obvious theme in this play is about inner beauty, and Carver let his character's beauty and inner humanity shine brightly - as one reviewer wrote "He takes your breath away!"

The following evening my breath was taken away again. The excitement was palatable as I entered the huge 30,000 seat stadium along with thousands of others all anxious to see the man who describes himself as "just a simple monk." I had purchased the best seat I could get, but was still a long way from the stage ... and needed to use the gigantic over head screens as others did to see what was happening. But, his voice ... and his chuckle came through loud and clear!

My sons had jokingly asked me who was "opening for him?" Well, as it happened, he did have an opening act ... a few actually. First there were 3 Tibetan monks chanting on stage which set a very appropriate tone to the evening ... then, some beautiful Tibetan dances and music. With China trying so hard to eradicate the Tibetan people by sending thousands of Chinese to live in Tibet, it is even more important for their culture to be preserved by those Tibetans in exile (there are about 45,000 Tibetans living in the Toronto area.) The Dalai Lama has said that "Tibetans, in their own land, are physically controlled fully by gun - but, mind - never!"

A huge white and gold couch was carried onto centre stage and you knew that he was about to appear. The Dalai Lama was everything I expected him to be - and more. He was amusing, witty, irreverent, out-spoken, self-deprecating, and wise. His message was the same as he always gives, as he shares wherever he travels around this world - that true happiness starts from within ... with a calm mind and a pure heart. That World Peace starts with each individual finding peace first within themselves, then spreading that peace to others ... that anger, hatred and fear simply cannot bring harmony.

After sitting 'nicely' for a few minutes on this beautiful couch, he said, "OK, let's now get comfortable!" And, hitching up his monks robes he assumed his traditional crossed-legged position, "Ah, that's better" he chuckled, as he also arranged a pillow behind his back, "Now, where's my hat?" And, to roars of laughter from the huge audience, he plopped a bright red sun visor on his head.

With his eyes now shaded from the bright lights, and his body in a comfortable position, he began his talk. It lasted for 90 mins, in English, with only occasional help from his close-by interpreter when he got stuck for a word - but it was not long enough. We all wanted more ... more of his common sense ... of his peaceful message ... of his total lack of formality ... of his wonderful humour, and chuckle. We wanted to stay in the presence of this "simple monk" from Tibet ... who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 ... who at age 72 still travels the world tirelessly spreading his message of world peace, and still rises at 4am to meditate every morning like all other Buddhist monks ... whose peaceful energy radiated out and filled that gigantic Toronto stadium.

But, it was over, and today the Dalai Lama flew home to India ... and I came home too - with a wonderfully big happy smile on my face!

Bye for now ...

Three Cups of Tea

I am reading an excellent book at the moment called "Three Cups of Tea - One Man's Mission to Promote Peace ... One School at a Time". It is written by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin.

I had heard Greg Mortenson being interviewed on CBC radio one morning a while ago. I was driving somewhere and, as usual, was late for my appointment - so was rushing and concentrating on the road. I was only half listening to the radio but something in the speaker's voice caught my attention, and I listened more carefully. It was the passion in Greg Mortenson's voice which came through the radio loud and clear!

Last week I noticed the book in my favourite bookstore and immediately bought it. Now, I find I cannot put it down!

Mortenson was an American mountaineer in 1993, and after a failed attempt to climb Pakistan's K2 (the world's 2nd highest mountain) he became lost and disorientated on his decent. He stumbled into an impoverished remote village, and was moved by the villagers' kindness to him. In an attempt to repay their generosity, he promised to return and build a school for the village children. Thus began his passion and life's work.

Over the next decade he came to respect and love the people of this remote region of the world, and to date has built 55 schools in various small villages in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

This book is beautifully written, and opens a window for me on a part of the world and a religion I am struggling to understand. It is an inspiring account of how one person can make a difference!

It also echoes my own firm belief that education is the path to world peace - especially the education of girls.

The title "Three Cups of Tea" comes from a local custom ...

"Here (in Pakistan and Afghanistan) we drink three cups of tea to do business: the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family, and for family we are prepared to do anything - even die."

- Haji Ali, Korphe Villafe Chief, Karakoram Mountains, Pakistan

Bye for now!

Confessions ...

It's confession time folks .... time I faced up to my downfall. So, I am announcing to the world that ... (big breath!!) ... I have an addiction. There, I've said it out loud ... that feels better. My addiction drives me, fuels me, draws me in then spits me out tired and exhausted. I cannot go many hours without a fix. When I am traveling it is torture to get what I crave - but, I always do!!! In Thailand, Wales, Florida, Poland, Hungary - even Ottawa - I find it.

My craving gives me immense pleasure, and as far as I know, doesn't hurt anyone else ... so, how is it bad??? Everyone has some kind of craving ... but, not everyone is as weak as me - I know that now.

What is my addiction??? Well ... (another deep breath) ... I am addicted to email. Yes, those innocent little notes and letters which appear as if by magic on my screen from all corners of the world. I love them, I crave them, I miss them desperately when they aren't there!!! I don't mean the junk stuff, or the meaningless forwards (although when they come with a personal note saying "I thought of you when I read this, think you might like it" - I love them too!)

I ponder about my addiction ... what am I missing in my life that I crave emails so much??? I have good friends, a lovely family, a husband who cares about me ...

The Oxford dictionary tells me that an addict is "a person addicted to a habit ... an enthusiastic devotee of a sport or pastime ... unable to cease doing so without adverse effects ..." That's me!! Emailing is a habit, and I am definitely an enthusiastic devotee of it ... and I don't even want to think about the adverse effects of not doing it!!! I DO try though ... sometimes I glance at my lonely computer as I pass my office door wondering if there's any unread little tidbit waiting for me. I know he's calling to me, seducing me, beckoning me to join him (my computer is definitely a male - a female would be far more sensitive to my dilemma!!) I try to force myself to pass by, not think about him ... waiting another hour will not be the end of the world ... but, my body and mind have other ideas and I find myself before him once more, his power greater than mine. If I find NOTHING in my In Box my spirits fall faster than an elevator whose wires have broken ... but, I've now trained myself not to self-destruct, and I stop before it hits the the cruel bottom!

But, the JOY ... oh, the absolute joy of finding a message from someone I care about and haven't heard from in a week or so - it's the GREATEST!!!

Is my addiction harming me in any way?? Well, I'm ashamed to admit, it is. Right now I have a million other things I should be doing around the house ... but, I hate housework, and emailing
is sooooo much more rewarding and fulfilling to me. I know it's the instant gratification that feeds my craving ... I can send emails to certain friends and I know that there will be a reply waiting for me within a few hours. I know people who are addicted to their cell phone ... but that just doesn't cut it with me. I think it's because I am totally in love with the written word. Books are my passion ... spending time in a library is my Prozac - it never fails!!

Oh well, they say confession is good for the soul ... and I feel a little lighter getting that off my chest, but I must stop now .... it's been over an hour and I have to check my email!!

Bye for now!

New Ventures!

Life never stands still, does it! I constantly find it amazing how the Universe unfolds for us ... some call it fate, some destiny, others The Will of God ... whatever one names it, it's a higher power that seems to know better than us what we need and when we need it, then sends it along!

Six years ago when Ray and I moved up here, I wondered what on earth I was going to do to occupy my time (plus produce my traveling income!) Having just stopped a very busy teaching schedule, it was impossible to just sit and do nothing!!! So, I planned to run women's weekend retreats from our home ... took business courses, had a mailing list of over 100 teachers interested in attending. Those who know me well, also know how that idea got slowly shelved when the house took way longer to finish than expected. Instead, I became involved as an Usborne children's book consultant, and enjoyed that for a few years. But, the retreat idea hadn't gone completely, it had just slipped into a corner of my mind somewhere.

Last June, while in Wales staying at bed and breakfast places, the retreat idea came to the forefront again. I just knew I HAD to try it! Ray agreed, and we started the planning process, picking up where we'd left off 6 years ago ...

Well, the Universe had other plans for me! There was a niggling part of me that was telling me not to do this, but I didn't investigate this feeling, I ignored it ... thought it was just 'cold feet' at starting something new. Then, some good friends came to visit, and we were showing them our large walk-out basement area which Ray and I plan to finish as a rec room before Christmas. Sue gasped when she saw the area, "Why, it's beautiful down here!" she exclaimed, "Those 3 huge windows and view of the lake are all gorgeous!" Then, I looked at it with fresh eyes, and saw what she meant - it IS a beautiful room - large, airy, with a cozy wood stove, and even with it's own door to the outside. Sue asked why we didn't think of renting this out for a week-long cozy Hide-a-Way Retreat, instead of weekend retreats in the main part of our home???

Because we'd never thought of it!!

Suddenly it all fell into place ... a cute little kitchenette in this corner, a comfy bed in the other, and a lovely sitting area close to the wood stove and 42" TV. With the addition of a few walls at the bottom of the stairs the area becomes completely separate from our living area upstairs ... but, still available for us when not rented.

The interesting part was the first words out of my mouth when she suggested the idea were, "Great! Then I won't have to cook for a crowd!" This came as a complete surprise to me ... but, that was what was holding me back from doing the retreats ... that's what was niggling at me. Don't get me wrong, I like to cook, and enjoy having company over. But, I don't LOVE to cook ... and I had talked myself into doing that part of the retreats, and then not re-visited my decision ... how we can fool ourselves!!

I am thrilled at the prospect of making the downstairs as inviting and comfy as possible ... and ideas are flying between Ray and I ... a little patio just outside the door, complete with barbecue and bistro set ... a campfire area down by the lake ... maybe even the hot tub that we have talked about adding for so long! Oh, it's such fun!! The renters can swim in the lake ... use our canoe and fishing boat ... walk the woodland trails ... or, just sit peacefully with a good book and enjoy the gorgeous scenery.
Surely, people would want to rent such a place????

New Ventures are so exciting, aren't they ... it's what keeps life interesting!

Until next time, bye for now!

Thank you ...

It's Thanksgiving weekend in 2 days and we will make the long drive to Ottawa to spend it at the home of our son and family. Our daughter and other son will join us, and for a few days we will all be together again. The children will be showered with attention, our sons will tease their sister (as they have all her life!) We will all eat too much dessert .... and I will sit back and bask in the glow of this wonderful family and reflect again on how thankful I am for them all.

Thanksgiving is a good time to reflect on the many joys in our lives ... sometimes we just need to be given a specific time and told: "OK, this weekend find something to be grateful for!!" Whatever our circumstances, we can always find things in our lives for which we are thankful ... yet, some years it just takes more searching for than others.

16 years ago this weekend I had a major operation for breast cancer ... and that Thanksgiving it was very hard to find much to be thankful for. The fear and uncertainty were overwhelming. However, I now know without a doubt that having cancer made me the strong person I am today. I always think that we are each like a wonderfully coloured tapestry, and all the events we experience, be they pleasant or unpleasant, are woven into that tapestry. Many times a new pattern is suddenly added, and at first it seems out of place, awkward, not in tune with the overall design ... yet in time, we shift things about, get used to it, add new colours, and it seems to fit after a while. Sometimes we even start to think that this particular new pattern actually adds something quite unique to the finished product.

My cancer was like that for me. Of course, I would never have willingly added it to my life's tapestry - yet it came without invitation, and I somehow managed to eventually fit it in. Now, I know that it was that experience that has encouraged me to reach out and try many new things - each time adding a new and more interesting design to who I am.

I used to hate the Fall season. I never saw the beautiful colours, smell the rich pungent smells, listen to the wind in the ever-drying leaves, or find any joy in watching the leaves slowly tumble to the ground. I only saw death and decay. Without fail I would get more and more depressed as each leaf fell. I dreaded the long, cold winter that would soon follow .... how sad ... how much I missed!

Since 16 years ago, I rejoice with each Fall season ... I kick up the leaves and take as many photographs of the glorious nature around me as I can. When Winter comes, I now appreciate the quiet that descends on our woods, and adore the way the crisp snow lies on the branches of our tall evergreen trees. It's all about perspective, isn't it. 16 years ago mine was changed, and I am thankful.

None of us knows what lies around the bend of life ... but, we know what we have now, and with a glad and grateful heart I will enjoy every moment of this weekend with my family, and say yet another silent prayer of thanks for this wonderful day. I hope you will too ...

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

We watch and wait ...

As are most others around the world I am watching with horror the unfolding demonstrations in Burma. Each morning I tentatively listen to the world news on the radio hoping I will not hear of a bloodbath ... I watch and wait.

I cannot imagine the kind of strength and courage it takes to participate in something like this, knowing at any minute the armed soldiers of the ruling dictatorship could open fire on the crowds (as they did in 1988 and again 1994.) I watch the thousands of brave Buddhist monks peacefully walking, mostly barefoot, their robes soaking wet from the rains, openly defying the orders to abandon the protest and return home.

Yet, even braver is the human ring of Burmese people that has grown up around these monks, frantically trying to protect them from any harm - such is the reverence the Buddhist monks are held in by the local people in that part of Asia. I cannot imagine having that kind of courage .... but, then, I also cannot imagine living under such a brutal regime as those people have .

When I was in Thailand last December we spent 2 weeks up in the northern areas, and even stood at the Golden Triangle - where one can gaze upon Burma, Laos and Thailand connected by the flowing river. We met and spoke with refugees who had fled from Burma ... visited an orphanage where children are housed after their Burmese parents have been slaughtered. Later, after returning to our safe homes in Canada, I watched news reports of Canada grudgingly agreeing to accept a few thousand of these Burmese refugees into our huge country. Then, Burma disappeared from the news ... until now.

What is the world doing??? Why is everyone just standing by passively??? How many more senseless mass slaughters will take place around the world before we all wake up and collectively say NO MORE!!!

Meanwhile, the revered Burmese monks march ... and the world passively watches and waits ...

I'm back .... and, I DID IT!!!!!

Here I am, back from the world of Noble Silence ... where I spent up to 10 hours a day sitting on a meditation mat connecting (or trying to!) my mind with my body .... sensing, but not reacting to, all the sensations my body was generating.

Would you believe me when I say it was the most difficult mental work that I have ever done???

Would you also believe me when I say that it was one of the most amazing life-altering experience that I have ever had???

Oh, where to start telling about such a journey as this ... as we were told over and over, every person who undertakes the 10 day Vipassana Meditation course has a totally different experience ... so, anything I mention is only what I experienced myself.

I was very nervous, but also excited, when Ray dropped me off at the Vipassana Centre just south of Barrie on Sept. 12 ... I had read everything I could find on this place and technique ... but, still was anxious about whether I had the mental fortitude to endure 10 days of absolutely no outside stimulation - no books, no writing, no phones, music, pictures, etc. Plus, of course, we were wrapped in our own bubble of silence.

The women's quarters were beautiful and very new (apparently the men's were quite old and left much to be desired - but, I wouldn't know!) I had my own room which was furnished simply with a single bed, small bookcase-type thing, chair, bedside shelf, alarm clock (which I came to feel was my best friend!) and box of Kleenex (which I certainly used to dry my tears of frustration many times!!) It had a beautiful large window over-looking the lovely woods which surrounded us. I shared a bathroom with my next-door neighbour. So far so good, this isn't too bad, I thought.

Women of all ages were arriving and chatting with each other (Noble Silence didn't start until the evening) and there was an air of excitement and giggly anticipation everywhere. I discovered that most of the women had never done this before, but that many had friends who had, and so they were a little more prepared for the 10 days ahead than I was (but they didn't share any knowledge with me - which was just as well, because I would have turned around and immediately run up the highway after Ray's car!!!) There were also what were called 'old students' - those who had already participated in at least one 10 day course and were back for a refresher. One lady I spoke with (who happened to be a stand-up comedian) was there for her 6th course!

I was relieved to find that I wasn't the oldest woman there - one of my fears (such a trivial thing, it seems now) - and we were an interesting mix of cultures. About 25% were of East Indian decent, but there were also women who were originally from Columbia, Poland, Africa, Sri Lanka, Britain and good old Canada - our common element seemed to be a curious and adventuresome nature and a spiritual mind. The majority were in their early 30's, then it seemed to jump to women in their 50's like me ... a really super mix. One brave young woman was 8 months pregnant with her first baby!

We had our first meditation sitting that night at 8pm in the Meditation Hall for one hour. After we had all tucked a multitude of cushions around every possible part of our body which might start to hurt or needed support (I later came to think of these as each person's little 'nest', into which we would lower ourselves, and adjust until everything was where it should be) we closed our eyes and quietened ourselves ready for our first hour of meditation. Our mats were already assigned, and thank you to all gods and goddesses, mine was against the back wall!!! Once everything was quiet our Assistant Teacher clicked a switch on the stereo system beside him, and a booming deep voice filled the hall, and thus started my 10 days of Vipassana meditation.

I quickly learned that the Assistant Teachers which led the course (a male for the men and a woman for us) actually did little more than work the stereo system, check every day on our individual progress, and made themselves available to answer questions we might have on the technique. All the actual teaching came in the form of tapes and a nightly DVD from the amazing guru who teaches Vipassana in India, S.N. Goenka. We all came to love and admire this remarkable man ... you could not help it ... his passion, sincerity, humility, wonderful sense of humour, and devotion to this meditation technique as a tool for peace and harmony in this troubled world was totally contagious. You felt his power and spiritual energy in his voice, face and gestures - even just from a tape and TV screen.

Again and again, he repeated that even though this was taught by Gotama Buddha, this was NOT a technique just for Buddhists, it was totally non-sectarian, no-one was trying to convert anyone, it could be used in harmony with any other religious practice ... it was merely a tool to bring people out of their everyday misery, a practical tool which could be used by anyone who worked to learn it and practiced diligently. Apparently, at all of his 90 Vipassana Centres around the world the exact same tapes and DVD's, timetable, and strict rules were used. All teaching came from Goenkaji , and thus the teaching remained pure.

Now, sitting back at my own computer ... back to the familiarity of my surroundings and comfort of my husband working quietly in his office ... I wonder, was it all a dream? Did I actually get up at 4:15 am every morning, walk quietly through the early morning darkness with the other women, along our woodland path to our little 'nests' waiting for us in the Meditation Hall? Did I really sit there for 2 hours practicing the part of the technique taught that day, before silently walking the path again, through the lightening trees to the dining hall for breakfast? I have never before lived such a life!! But, I must tell you that there was something extremely mystical and powerful about that early morning meditation - something the others later in the light of day could not match.

It was not all sweetness and spirituality, however! Oh, how I struggled!! I was ready to come home on Day 3 ... wanted to pack my bags and just get out of there!! I could not stand the lack of stimulation one more second!! At that point we had spent every moment following our breath through our nostrils, calming our minds ready for the real Vipassana training, feeling the sensations of the breath in the nostrils, and then on Day 3 we were told to now concentrate on feeling the breath on our upper lip .... I thought I would go mad!!! This was NOT calming my mind, it was making me crazy!!! Everyone else seemed to be coping very well ... all sitting perfectly still with eyes closed - not fidgeting and sneaking looks around like I was! I went in tears to talk to our teachers during the noon time break when this was allowed. They reassured me this was totally normal, and that 99% of the others were probably feeling the same. Did that help? ... a bit, at least I knew I wasn't actually going mad!!

So it went on ... sometimes I was in such awe and great joy about the amazing calmness this meditation had brought me, other times I thought it was a lot of hocus-pocus and just wanted to run away!

But, I stayed ... and how happy I am that I did. Somewhere I found the strength to endure this very strict discipline, learn each new part of the technique as it was presented everyday, and enjoyed along with the others the nightly televised discourses from Goenkaji regarding living a happy, compassionate and fruitful life. Amazingly, what all my friends and family thought would be the hardest part for me - not talking for 10 days - was actually the easiest! I came to really enjoy the silence and quiet cocoon that I was wrapped in. However, on Day 10 when we were all allowed to speak ... oh, what a noise we all made!!! Can you imagine 30 women who had remained silently living together for 9 days suddenly being allowed to talk to each other??? It was deafening!! All you could hear was shrieks of laughter as women squealed "You mean, you wanted to go home too???" ... "You actually had your bags packed?" ..."Day 5 was the worse for you too?"... We all found a common bond in our suffering and our overcoming of it .... and the pure, unmatched joy of learning that we had not been the 'only one' ... can you imagine how that feels? Maybe not entirely, for this course is an experience unlike many others.

We were all surprised to discover than not one woman had gone home early (although most of us came close at one time or other!) ... and 24 of the 25 men completed the course.

From 10 am on Day 10 when the Noble Silence was lifted to 8 am on Day 11 when we all parted ways and went to our own homes, the talking and sharing was continuous. Such an interesting group of women, and we all instinctively knew that only these women, these other 29 women with whom we had just shared the last 10 days in this amazing place, would be the only ones who could understand the thoughts, feelings and personal challenges we had just been through. The overcoming of extreme physical pains of limbs and back through so much sitting still, the self-doubts, the thoughts which arose from seemingly nowhere which you had no choice but to deal with, and always in the back of your mind - can I deal with one more day of this?

But, together with this was the joy, absolute joy, which slowly arose in us. The love and harmony we felt for everyone ... the amazing inner peace.

Ray asked me if I would go again .... I smiled at him and replied that that was like him asking me just after I had given birth if I wanted another child!!!!!

MAY ALL BEINGS BE HAPPY

I'm in trouble ...

I think I might have more trouble with my meditation retreat next week than I thought! When I checked my "Insight from the Dalai Lama" quotation calendar for today, it says:

"Buddhist texts often speak of four principal obstacles that one must overcome for meditation to be successful. The third is mental laxity, which means that our mind is unable to retain sharpness and clarity."

OK, that means I've failed the third obstacle, that's going to be a toughie for me - I wonder what the other three are? Maybe, I stand a chance with them!!

Wish me luck! Bye ...

A Surprise Dinner Guest ...

Just a few weeks ago, close to 6pm in the evening, our dogs suddenly started to bark like crazy at the glass screen door. We let them out and they tore off into the scattered trees that are between our home and the lake. We followed and heard a terrific rustling in the bush, and just caught a glimpse of this beautiful black bear scaling one of the trees as fast as he could!

How surprised we were! We know there are bears around ... we've seen them occasionally as we have driven the local roads, and noticed their scats as we walked our woods with the dogs. I even saw a mother and two tiny cubs once in the spring as I went out to the road to pick up my mail. They wanted nothing to do with us, and with our dogs always 'patrolling' our property, we had never seen any close to the house. Until now!

He or she stayed up that tree just calmly looking down at the wildly barking dogs, seeming to know it was quite safe where it was. We took a few photographs, then called the dogs inside so the bear could escape. Only a few minutes later, we saw the bear's wide rump disappearing into the woods.

Was it the smell of our barbecue that drew it closer to our home? We've barbecued many summer evenings without attracting such a dinner guest. Was it the very dry summer we've had which resulted in fewer berries this year, that led a hungry bear to bravely come closer than he usually would? Who knows? We haven't seen it since ... but, it created some very animated dinnertime conversations that evening!

Bye for now ...

Connecting my mind and body ...

It's been over a month since I last wrote, yet it feels like yesterday! Is it true that time goes faster as you get older??? Many times I have had thoughts swirling around in my head and felt the need to get them onto this page ... but, time and opportunity have denied me. That's what happens when you live in such a beautiful place as ours - we get a lot of visitors in the summer (and we love it!!)

The brain continues to fascinate me, but more importantly the way our mind influences our body. On Sunday morning I listened to a fascinating documentary on CBC radio about some of the recent research findings into our brain. I had a personal reason for listening, apart from idle curiosity, because I am embarking on a 10 day meditation retreat next week, and was curious to see if the documentary would discuss how meditation has been shown to change our brain.

Yes, they did! I already knew that the Dalai Lama has been very involved in the tests being done on meditating monks to demonstrate the observable physical changes brought about in the brain by meditation. This was mentioned, and more, in the documentary. I wonder if a 10 day course (plus continued daily practice) can help bring about positive changes in my brain - oh, I hope so!!

Vipassana means to see things as they really are, and this ancient form of meditation goes back more than 2,500 years. It was rediscovered by Gotama Buddha, and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills - that is, an art of living. However, this technique is non-sectarian, attracts people from all faiths and is practiced all over the world. Literature from the meditation centre tells me that Vipassana is ... "a way of self-transformation through self-0bservation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body."

OK, I'd like to transform myself, and my mind and body could sure use improved communication!! Vipassana meditation promises to help me develop a healthy mind, mastery over my mind, increased awareness, self-control and peace. But, it looks like I am going to have to work hard for this (nothing worth having comes easy) ... up at 4am ... many, many hours spent in calming and focusing the mind ... no speaking (can I do this???) ... no reading (I'm lost without my books!!) ... and, no writing (not even emails!!!)

But, I so badly want to learn how to control the constant internal chatter of my mind, to know how to restore peace and harmony to my world when things happen which are upsetting, to learn and master this technique which I have heard so much about.

So, I embrace this new experience which awaits me. I'm putting myself completely outside my comfort zone. I feel I am about to undertake an exciting journey ... watch this space for an update after I return!

Until then, bye!