My craving gives me immense pleasure, and as far as I know, doesn't hurt anyone else ... so, how is it bad??? Everyone has some kind of craving ... but, not everyone is as weak as me - I know that now.
What is my addiction??? Well ... (another deep breath) ... I am addicted to email. Yes, those innocent little notes and letters which appear as if by magic on my screen from all corners of the world. I love them, I crave them, I miss them desperately when they aren't there!!! I don't mean the junk stuff, or the meaningless forwards (although when they come with a personal note saying "I thought of you when I read this, think you might like it" - I love them too!)
I ponder about my addiction ... what am I missing in my life that I crave emails so much??? I have good friends, a lovely family, a husband who cares about me ...
The Oxford dictionary tells me that an addict is "a person addicted to a habit ... an enthusiastic devotee of a sport or pastime ... unable to cease doing so without adverse effects ..." That's me!! Emailing is a habit, and I am definitely an enthusiastic devotee of it ... and I don't even want to think about the adverse effects of not doing it!!! I DO try though ... sometimes I glance at my lonely computer as I pass my office door wondering if there's any unread little tidbit waiting for me. I know he's calling to me, seducing me, beckoning me to join him (my computer is definitely a male - a female would be far more sensitive to my dilemma!!) I try to force myself to pass by, not think about him ... waiting another hour will not be the end of the world ... but, my body and mind have other ideas and I find myself before him once more, his power greater than mine. If I find NOTHING in my In Box my spirits fall faster than an elevator whose wires have broken ... but, I've now trained myself not to self-destruct, and I stop before it hits the the cruel bottom!
But, the JOY ... oh, the absolute joy of finding a message from someone I care about and haven't heard from in a week or so - it's the GREATEST!!!
Is my addiction harming me in any way?? Well, I'm ashamed to admit, it is. Right now I have a million other things I should be doing around the house ... but, I hate housework, and emailing
is sooooo much more rewarding and fulfilling to me. I know it's the instant gratification that feeds my craving ... I can send emails to certain friends and I know that there will be a reply waiting for me within a few hours. I know people who are addicted to their cell phone ... but that just doesn't cut it with me. I think it's because I am totally in love with the written word. Books are my passion ... spending time in a library is my Prozac - it never fails!!
Oh well, they say confession is good for the soul ... and I feel a little lighter getting that off my chest, but I must stop now .... it's been over an hour and I have to check my email!!
Bye for now!
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