How to be selfish ...

On my desk I have one of those daily calendars which has a little verse or words of inspiration for each day. Mine is called "Insight from the Dalai Lama". I am totally fascinated by this man and his life, and own quite a few of his books. Particularly I admire his efforts to not espouse one particular Religion over another. But, I digress ...

I just ripped off yesterday's page, and for today it says:

"The practice of altruism is the authentic way of conducting human life, and is not limited to the religious."

I must admit I had a vague idea of the meaning of 'altruism' but wanted to be sure and checked it out in my gigantic 'Oxford Dictionary', it said: "altruism - regard for others as a principal of action - unselfishness".

Now, today is Ray's birthday and we are expecting guests for supper, and I really should be doing many other things right now! However, reading this has got me thinking .... if altruism is supposed to be the "authentic way of conducting human life" (according to the Dalai Lama) then our women's discussion group last night was way off topic, or the Dalai Lama is surrounded by way too many men!!

As most women of my generation are only too happy to tell you, we were brought up to think of others first ALWAYS!! We (generally) made good wives and mothers because of this ... but, at what cost to ourselves!! Last night I listened as many of my contemporaries discussed the 'emptiness' many of us now feel as our roles of "mother", "partner", "daughter" and sometimes "wife" have gradually been taken away from us. Most of us have left behind demanding and sometimes fulfilling careers, in which we have given our 'all'. We have spent our entire lives in "the practice of altruism".

Now, our children have their own lives - and hopefully call once in a while, and visit occasionally. Most of our parents have died. Our careers have finished. Some partners have either moved onto greener (read "younger") pastures, or heavenly pastures. As women alone we are now left with many hours to fill, but still with much energy and a lifetime of accumulated skills - so, we dart around all over the place continuing to be 'altruistic' and volunteer whenever and wherever we are needed.

Suddenly, without warning, one day everything comes to a stop. You hear yourself say: "I can't do this anymore!! ... I won't do this anymore! ... WHAT ABOUT ME???"

Such was our group discussion ... woman after woman said, "I thought this would be the best time for me - but, I'm bored, I'm lonely, I don't know what to do - but, I know I DON'T want to continue doing this!!!" This kind of discussion in not unique or profound, but it certainly has it's roots in the fact that we have spent our entire lives being "altruistic" - thinking of others, total "unselfishness". Now, we don't know what we like to do, what WE like to do. We've forgotten how to 'play', how to have 'fun', how to knock that horrible gremlin off our shoulder when he keeps repeating in our ear: "Thinking only of yourself? How SELFISH of you!!" How do we go to sleep at night having spent a glorious day just doing 'nothing of importance', feeling relaxed and happy ... yet trying to ignore that knot of guilty feelings down deep in our stomachs, because one part of us feels we have accomplished 'nothing' that day?

Those were the questions being bantered around our group last night, and yes, we found answers and ideas for new ways to live - but, it takes a lot of work to break a lifetime habit, and feel comfortable with it.

Your Holiness Dalai Lama, I admire you tremendously ... but, you don't need to tell my generation of women to practice altruism - we have majored in it!!

However, hopefully, we have done a better job of helping our daughters to "think of others, but don't EVER forget yourself".

Bye for now!

Northern Gems ...

It has been 6 years next month since Ray and I moved away from the hustle and bustle of city life ... and it doesn't seem that long at all. The move has resulted in huge life changes and challenges for both of us, and those who know us will remember the year I spent in the tiny isolated cabin here in the woods, with no running water or electricity, while our new home was being built .... and Ray still working in the city (Ah, those were the days!!)

However, all that is now behind us, but I am still learning new things about the community we now call home. For example, I am constantly 'blown away' by the talent of it's inhabitants. Many of our friends remarked on the "lack of cultural" (!) events we would have access to when we moved to the "wilderness". True, we do not have large movie theatres, gigantic museums, or off-Broadway shows. But, to us, what we DO have is 100% better!

I've just returned from an art display and sale held by our local Art Club. I am no artist, but I was very impressed by the variety of talent on display!! Plus, how lovely to admire a painting, and upon reading the artist's name discover she sits next to you at choir practice, or volunteers with you at the Food Bank - the art piece suddenly takes on even greater personal value! Prices were also geared to a 'northern pocket' and scenes were all local ... simply delightful.

Last week, Ray and I went to the new theatre in town to watch a performance of "Fiddler on the Roof". We had no idea what to expect (couldn't find out anything about it other than the name) and I warned Ray before we went that it may be just a choir singing the songs from the show. Imagine our surprise to find it was a full production of this very ambitious musical ... and the local actors and their voices were superb! Enthusiasm, energy and talent more than made up for any lack of theatrical devices usually found in many larger city theatres ... plus, when you know half the audience there - well, it just adds to a wonderful evening out. Another local amateur theater group is staging "Anne of Green Gables" next week, and the Choral Society is also performing it's annual Cabaret extravaganza - who said we have no 'cultural' events???

We have learned many new skills since moving here, and at the risk of seeming trite, one of them is to truly value the things in life that mean the most ... savouring every day, enjoying the glorious nature in which we now live so close to, and valuing the friendship of some of the most creative, sincere and caring people we have ever known!

It doesn't get much better, does it ...

Until next time .. bye!

Brainworks

Is everyone else as fascinated as I am in the workings of the brain?

I've just read about an amazing book called "Crashing Through" by Robert Kurzon. In it he tells the account of a technology entrepreneur called Mike May who was blind since age 3, but who recovered his sight 43 years later. Can you imagine what that must be like??? It reminds me of the old Rip Van Winkle story ... except Mike May didn't sleep for those 43 years. He was a champion skier and former CIA analyst of "remarkable courage and intense curiosity".

As one might imagine, these kinds of occurrences are few and far between. Apparently, only 20 cases have been recorded of people regaining their sight in adulthood after being blinded at a young age. One sad tale is of a man in Britain who lost his sight at 10 months of age, and regained it 51 years later in 1958. After the initial euphoria he soon encountered monumental problems. This fellow also had been very active whilst blind - strolling fearlessly through traffic and riding a bicycle with one hand on another cyclist shoulders (so he was no scardy-cat!)

After regaining his sight this Brit was terrified by the traffic, and could only recognize objects once he had handled them. As one might imagine, he could not recognize faces and facial expressions continued to mean nothing to him. The poor man became ever more depressed and died, perfectly fit, 19 months later.

Vision scientists now realize the fault lay not in the eyes, but in the brain. We see passively, but in order to make sense of what we see our brain needs to draw on a vast body of prior learning of images. That's why babies touch, taste and poke everything they meet - they are building up those stores. (And, how many of us have told our children, "Don't touch!!?)

Going back to the fellow in the book, Mike May, after his own surging joy at regaining his sight, he also had the horrible depressing shock of not being able to recognize anything without constant handling, drawing on the brainpower that had served him so well for so long. Lucky for him his sight returned in this more enlightened era, and he is now studying endless strings of visual clues - clues we all take so much for granted, but will always be a struggle for Mike May.

It seems children devote "billions of neurons and years of unconscious effort" to distinguishing and reading faces. I find that particularly interesting as someone who grew up in a household where emotions changed as easily as the weather, and survival depended on being able to 'read the signs' of impending trouble. As an adult I have retained that heightened ability. Whereas my husband grew up in a very calm home, and facial expressions have to be extreme for him to recognize a mood change ...

Oh, the power of parents, and the amazing workings of our brains!

By the way, Mike May's story has a much happier ending ...

Until next time - bye!

Canals ...

A few blogs ago I wrote about the small town near us who turned lemons into lemonade when they took our noxious blackflies and made them into a super publicity opportunity. Well, in June we'll be off to sample yet another example of that ingenuity. Ray and I will spend 3 weeks in the British Isles, actually two of them in Wales, and for our middle week we have rented a narrow canal boat, and will fulfill one of the things on our 'Must do Before I Die' list.

When we lived in Britain - many, many moons ago - canal boat holidays were popular in one location - The Norfolk Broads - and I vaguely remember hearing about friends who had experienced this, but it wasn't very popular. However, since then, in fact particularly during the last 20 years, canals holidays have become very popular all over Britain. Now, here is definitely another case of taking lemons and making lemonade!

The canal systems of Britain were the highways of the 18th century. They were dug and used to move heavy cargoes of coal, iron ore, grain etc. from the industrial sections of the country to the large docks on the coasts. The narrow boats, or barges, were drawn along by huge Shire horses which trudged along the pathways alongside the canals. When the railways came many of the canals became redundant and fell into disrepair, but a few were still used right up until the second world war.

I wonder which clever entrepreneur came up with the idea of cleaning up all those disused, dirty, unsightly canals, building wonderful new narrow boats, outfitting them with all the amenities people want (toilet, bed, kitchen, shower etc.) and, presto, a wonderful new leisure industry is born! Judging by the difficulty we had in booking one of these floating homes, it must be extremely popular!!

So, Ray and I will pick up our narrow boat - only 7ft 2ins wide and 48 ft long - in northern Wales, and will putter along the Llangollen canal for a full week of a very different kind of life. The Llangollen canal is known to be one of the most scenic (the Caledonian one in Scotland is supposed to trump it!) and of particular interest to Ray is the Pontcysyllte aqueduct. This 1,000 ft. channel of water was designed in 1805 by an engineer named Telford to span the river Dee valley. It has 19 arches and is 120 ft in the air (think I will just close my eyes as Ray navigates us across that one!)

The boat's top speed is only 3 mph, and one veteran boater said, "It's like a walking holiday, except without having to move your legs." Well, maybe he forgot all the exercise involved in wrestling with mooring ropes, fending off other novice boaters (like us!) and particularly running up and down the tow paths to crank open various locks and lift bridges!

Ah, but there's always a friendly pub waiting around the next bend, and you just hammer in your mooring pegs, secure your boat, and pop inside to 'wet your whistle!' At least that's what I'm told ... will tell you if it's true when we return!

Bye, until next time!

Hidden Messages in Water

Do you remember all the fuss that was created many years ago when it was revealed in the press that Prince Charles spoke to his plants? The poor man was so ridiculed ... yet, I often find myself chatting to my garden flowers (maybe I'm nuts too!!) Perhaps he was just ahead of his time ...

At a discussion meeting I attended the other evening, the topic was "An Attitude of Gratitude" ... the essence of which was that "the quality of our life is the result of where we focus our attention ... when there is harmony in the mind, there is harmony and balance in the body." We've all heard this before, but the message bears repeating.

The newest book to hit the masses and causing a sensation is "Secrets" - everyone seems to be reading it - and it is simply all about the power of positive thinking. A great concept at any time, but I think it's a pity that the author focused so much on the "consumer items" that positive thinking can bring into one's life, but I guess that sells books!

More interesting, to my mind, is the amazing book "Hidden Messages in Water" by the Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto. His research has visually captured, through high-speed photography, the structure of water at the moment of freezing. In these fantastic pictures he has demonstrated the direct consequences of destructive thoughts versus the thoughts of gratitude and love. If you have never seen these photographs check out this link - you'll be amazed!
http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm

Remember whilst looking at the images, that the human body is 70% water ...

Bye for now!

Spies and Flies

Hi there, it's been a while since I blogged here ... problem was I had a terrible time writing ... or, I should say, my computer had a terrible time! It just kept freezing on me!! Most infuriating!! So, off it went to the computer doc, and $75 and 3 days later I found out it had a couple of 'spies' on it. No idea what they are, but they sure don't sound good! Now, the computer doc has installed some device that will keep my computer spy-free - yeah!! (Not to be confused with 'virus-free' apparently!)

Guess what? The Blackflies have arrived - yesterday!!! Oh joy! Those pesky little flies which are so tiny and crawl around the back of your neck and ears, into your hair, swarm around your face and suck your blood - charming, huh? The only good thing about them is that they only last a few weeks - even shorter if the weather gets really hot. For the last 3 weeks everyone around here has been madly gardening and working outside to get as much done as possible before the dreaded beasties arrive. The local talk was, "Have you seen any yet?" Quite funny really ... such is the life of a small northern town!

A small town just north of us called 'South River' really cashed in on the black flies and turned it into a tourist attraction. Can you imagine? They held "The Great Blackfly Hunt" for about 5 years, and gave out prizes for the most black flies collected, they even issued hunting licenses! Don't believe me? Check out http://www.blackflyhunt.ca/ ... the winner last year caught over 31,000 - not hard to do around here right now! I read in the local paper last week that this year they are no longer holding the hunt - no, the black fly is NOT on the endangered species list, it's just their hunt has outlived it's popularity and media coverage (which was HUGE - even CBC and the big Toronto papers covered it!)

Well, black flies don't bite at night - so, for the next few weeks I will be gardening with a little flashlight around midnight!

Bye until next time!