Christmas Musing ...

I probably should start by confessing that I have never been a big fan of Christmas. This used to give me great angst, I felt I was a freak! Everyone else was going around singing dopey Christmas songs, and saying how much they were looking forward to the BIG day.

I have no warm and fuzzy memories of Christmas as a child - I used to receive a few new books as gifts, placed on the end of my bed by Father Christmas whilst I slept. The day itself passed by like most others ... it must have done, because apart from the new books I really can't remember much else about it.

I actually didn't start feeling like a freak until my own children came along. Then, the pressure was on - we had to create THE most perfect day for these precious children of ours. So, I baked, decorated and shopped until I dropped (as they say). My now-grown kids say they have wonderful memories of Christmas, so we must have been successful .... but, for me, it was just a whole lot of stress!!! Yes, I am a card-carrying, bah-humbug, Scrooge!

I started to stop feeling like a freak in my 40's when a good friend confessed that she hated Christmas. Wow, suddenly I wasn't alone! We compared notes, and found we both just found the whole thing totally filled with anxiety. Now, I should explain that neither of us had strong religious beliefs, and I'm sure those who have can sail through the season swept along by carols and Bible stories of babes in a manger, shepherds and wise men.

These days Ray and I have minimized everything to do with Christmas, and that has helped a lot. Our family has cut the gift-giving right back, and goodies are more likely to be bought than home-baked. Decorations are simply a freshly cut balsam tree and some pretty green boughs placed around the house. Living isolated in the woods as we do, it is quite easy to avoid a lot of the hype surrounding the season - so long as we don't turn on the radio and TV. Yet, even so, I still feel a bubble of dread inside me as the 25th approaches ... maybe left-over from long ago - who knows? Many people now confess that Christmas is not their favourite time ... lost loved ones are missed more, lonely people feel more lonely, depressions feel much worse, suicides hit their peak. Why is this???? Do other holidays in other faiths cause this same mass reaction????

I did most of my shopping for gifts on-line this year - had them delivered right to my door, and loved it!! But, yesterday I had to venture out into the shops for some last minute things - my first time this season! I witnessed:

- people walking around stores in a daze ... bumping their carts into each other, not seeing ... minds on a million other things ...

- a frantic, tired-looking woman on a cell phone talking to someone as she perused the aisles ... I heard her say quite angrily into the phone, "I'm trying to find a present for YOU!!"

- very frazzled shop assistants trying to help very frazzled shoppers ... and there's still 14 days yet to go!!

But, it's not all bad ... luckily there are now many like myself, who have come out of the closet, owned up to their feelings, and refuse to get caught up in all the hype Christmas brings. As I look out my window I see the snow falling gently, adding to the already 2 feet on the ground, and I think how thrilled the children will be when they come - great tobogganing this Christmas - yeah!!! I look forward to all the family being here. My daughter, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law will all turn up with food to keep us all happy, and everyone will pitch-in with the chores ... gifts will be opened, the children will squeal with delight, hugs all round, love in the air ... and lots of photos will be taken of the happy moments.

But, for me, the day after Christmas will still be the best ...

Bye for now!